I know it sounds silly, but I never really gave too much thought on how much a story needs edited to pass for a book that people might pay for. I have been moving around things, correcting grammar, adding more scenes, and deleting ones that I don't think make sense. It's a lot harder than a I thought to have someone correcting my work and pointing out things that are wrong with it or need improving. It's like handing over a dish at a restaurant that you put your heart and soul into and allowing strangers to critique it. Not that I consider my husband/editor a stranger, but it is still tough. I am still waiting for him to have an epiphany: suddenly realizing that my writing sucks and he doesn't want to help me do this anymore. Sigh, he tells me that I am crazy for thinking stuff like that, but I can't think any other way.
My mother threw a fit when I accidentally let it slip that I got my eyebrow pierced. She said that she was disgusted with me. I know it's a little melodramatic, but when I hear things like that...how am I supposed to assume that people won't think my writing style is disgusting. It's a part of me. It's a piece of me. My writing is who I am, like my piercing and my piercing disgusts my own mother. It's going to be so hard, getting through this process and not convincing myself that everyone hates me and finds me strange and aloof.
I think I may have my first book posted on Amazon by the middle of March and that is so crazy to think about. I edit like crazy while trying to keep up with my school work and trying to maintain my sanity. I am not a confident person by nature, and last week was a pretty tough experience. I don't want to disgust anybody, I want people to be proud of me and enjoy the work that I am doing, but when I hear things like I did last week...it's hard to say 'no biggie.' I don't know how many times the people I love will have to drill into my head that I'm a decent writer and when people don't like my stuff, it's not that they don't like me.
I like to be on my own, but I don't want to be ignored. What a strange like to straddle. Hopefully I will get a lot of editing done this week and I can finally start thinking about covers and what not. You know, the fun stuff that doesn't make me break out into a cold and nervous sweat every time that I think about it. And thus is another confession of a self-conscious author.